My Ruptured Brain Aneurysm Experience: From A Spouse’s Point of View Part 1
1/4 Emails that my husband sent to me while I was in the hospital for a ruptured brain aneurysm
Dear Monica,
I’m sitting beside you right now on Thanksgiving in the dark and I’m not sure what to do. These last two days have been the worst in my life but absolutely nothing compared to what you are going through right now. I figured I should write you this email so I don’t forget to tell you everything that has been going on but also as a way for me to kinda talk to you since you are still very lethargic. I’m thinking this is a bad idea though because I’m weeping all over again like I have pretty much been doing nonstop over the last two days but overall I think it will be beneficial to you.
So yesterday at around 3AM you woke up and said your headache was killing you and you asked me to rub your neck and back since it helped out a bit before we went to bed. You said your body was on fire and the pain in your head was horrible. After rubbing you for a bit you said you felt like you had to throw up and ran off to the bathroom. Shortly after you screamed for me and said your head was really bad. After I ran over to you I was talking to you for a bit and said we need to go the ER and when I did, I’m not sure if you had a stroke, seizure, or passed out, but you weren’t responsive and your eyes looked like a UFC fighter when they get knocked out, you were also moaning in a very frightening way. You weren’t there. I freaked out and called 911. They had me run some tests with you like having you lift your arms and smiling, and thank god you were able to do it but you were very much “not there”. So fucking scary… you actually pulled off your pants and sat on the toilet to pee too at one point then. The dispatcher asked me to unlock the door and turn on the lights so the paramedics could come in but I was so scared of leaving you for even a second so I sat you as stable as I could, ran down and did that. I heard the paramedics knock on the door and I told the dispatcher to tell them to just fucking open it, like why would she tell me to do that and not relay that to them? 3 or 4 of the paramedics took you and helped you into a stretcher and into the ambulance while another paramedic was talking to me about your information like drivers license, medical record number (which I couldn’t find), allergies, etc. They told me to call Kaiser Fremont ER in about an hour to see what to do next. At this point it was hard for me to process what was actually going on and instead my mind went into “fuck, what do I do about the kids?! Do I wake them up and take them with me? Who do I call? Brother? Your family? Stephan?”. So at this point it was around 330am or so and I called my brother first. He didn’t pick up. Called Dona. Didn’t pick up. Tried them both a few more times. Nothing. Called your parents cell. It was off. Called their house number about three times, no answer. Tried to call your brother but found out I don’t have his number in my phone so tried to call your sister to get it, no answer. At this point I was seriously freaking the hell out not knowing what to do about the kids. At that time, Oliver actually came out to go pee in our bathroom. It was really cute he just walked over, didn’t say a word, went to the toilet, pulled his pants down and stared at me while peeing. After he was done I told him to go to his room and back to sleep which he did without a problem. So he never actually walked over to see if you weren’t on the bed so he probably just thought you were sleeping. So back to my scrambling and I just Facebook message called your brother and thank God he picked up. I told him he or your parents needed to come over asap because I think you had a stroke and I could hear that he walked over to your parents and told them immediately and they said they would rush over. So now I started scrambling thinking ok I should probably change because I have no idea what is going on and how long I will be at the hospital, started thinking about how I can make things easier for your family while I’m gone so I filled the kids milk and some other stuff. Thought of what I needed to bring like your backpack and wallet and glasses. So eventually your dad and brother came… I saw tears in your dad’s eyes and I just explained to them what had happened and what will happen with the kids like what time they normally wake up, to give them yogurt or pancakes, snacks in the pantry, milk in the fridge, iPads, TV, etc. I called the hospital and coincidentally I got to talk to the doctor that just admitted you. If I recall correctly the doctor kept it pretty high level over the phone but said that you had a seizure in the ambulance and then another one when you got to the hospital. When you had the one at the hospital they said your oxygen level dropped and weren’t breathing right so they sedated you and put a breathing tube in you to help you and that they did a cat scan and saw that you were bleeding. So I raced over there as fast as a I could.
I guess I didn’t really think of it but I guess during Covid visitors are generally not allowed which makes sense but even in a life threatening situation like yours I still needed a special exception which I luckily got. When I got in and I saw you I fucking lost it. Can’t remember the last time I cried like that. Seeing you sedated with a tube in your throat not really fully understanding what the hell was going on. The doctor told me that the cat scan showed a ruptured aneurysm which to be honest I didn’t really understand or know why it was but just figured it was pretty bad considering there was blood in your brain. They told me that they were going to transfer you to the Redwood City office where the neurology department is where they could treat you but they had to wait for transport. So at this point I start looking up what a ruptured aneurysm is and I start freaking out way more, crying nonstop and I could tell everyone at the hospital felt very bad. The nurse told me that the transport was going to take an hour and a half and I’m like uh wtf, ok… like this seems pretty serious but you guys don’t have transport ready? So I was pretty pissed at that whole situation. Eventually the transport came, I’m guessing this was like 6am or so now? The transport lead comforted me a lot and told me that you were in good hands and instructed me that they were going to take you, got me your future room number, gave me his number and took down mine and pretty much said that it will probably be like two hours or so until I could see you again with checking in and all that. So I’m like sobbing and crying a super load in the hallways of the Fremont ER while they take you away and I’m like fuck what do I do? At this point I think it’s like 730am and I check the kids cameras and it looks like both kids are awake so I decided to go home and help your dad and brother.
Just helped you have dinner and you are sleeping again which is great. I’ll continue more tomorrow, I love you so much.
